Business Casual

I feel like it's going to be difficult when I finally have to transition to a job where I actually have to wear pants on a regular basis.

Corporate Travel

I used to really like corporate travel. It was fun to fly into a new city, get an expense account, and, well... that's about it.

Traveling west is fun - everyone tries to get stuff from you when you're asleep, and kicking off a bit early is no problem. Traveling east is the biggest pain because not only do you have to wake up early, but when you leave at the end of the day, everyone and their bosses are still at the office, so they will not be hesitant to ask you for things.

I will say I wish I was in the car when the next person turns on the radio and finds button 1-4 as well as 6 are set to Texas gospel, and button 5 is Latin techno, but other than that, I found no redeeming values.

Having been on several trips where I worried about each meal and how much I had to spend, I tried a new tact this time. Instead of going out to restaurants and eating alone - or trying to force awkward conversations with people from work - I deliberately avoided eating dinner with people.

Instead, I went to the local grocery store, purchased one instant meal, and then bought $15-20 in liquor. I proceeded to do this for 3 nights in a row, until I just bought fast food on my own dime, and spent the entirety of my expense account on beer.

I had so much left over, my last night I actually ended up packing beer in my carry-on to drink before going through security (and made the rub down, er pat-down, easier to handle as well).


Plain-Old Aggressive Office Toy of the Week:  Phantom Keystroker - performs random keystroke on computer it's plugged into

I Don't Try To Make It Awkward

Elevator etiquette always fascinates me - conversations cease or grow quiet, personal space is paramount, but most of all people are obviously out for themselves. People will cut, squeeze, elbow and do just about everything they can to get themselves on an elevator.

Occasionally there will be a good Samaritan who will push the 'Open Door' button (and mean to) to allow someone else access to a closing elevator, but never - NEVER - will you see someone get off an elevator and offer up their spot to someone in more of a hurry.

The most aggravating thing to me, however, is how people act when they're getting on to the elevator.

Why on earth would you plant yourself directly in front of the door of a small room that people had to exit before you could enter? People don't do that when queuing up for a meeting, why would you do that to an elevator?

I have gotten into the habit of stepping off the elevator, and if someone was doing that, I just plant myself in front of the elevator and don't move. It's very interesting to see people panic because of the value they personally put on being ON THAT ELEVATOR.

To date people only sit and discuss the ridiculousness of their behavior through a single turn of the elevator - they tend to jump on as soon as the next one opens.


Plain Old-Aggressive Office Toy Of The Week: Micro Spy Remote (Keychain Universal TV Remote)

Executive Deadlines

I was pulled into an 8am meeting by a Senior Vice President last week to ask for an update from our first meeting the week before.



Unfortunately, I had nothing for him.

I'd had no meeting with him the week before because the SVP forgot. Because he forgot, I had 3 days, instead of the week previously planned, to come up with this update - including a project plan, stakeholders, and concrete dates.

I said no.

He was wanting me to assign something to another company, and then demand from them a  concrete date they'd be completed by. I passed on the phone number of the group in the other company that would be able to  do what he was asking as they'd already laughed at me.

As he 'forgot' and gave me a stepped up deadline, I wondered how he'd feel if the same thing happened to him.

I slipped an arbitrary checkup point for him - an update on executive communication - he was supposed to call the other company and get feedback on a possible move. I didn't connect this to any of the 'critical paths' through the project plan, and I did everything possible to obscure the due date and who it was assigned to.

I emailed him the night before and asked him to ensure he had a meeting scheduled to help drive the project. When he responded asking what I was talking about, I pointed to the project plan, and he pointed out that I was supposed to have set the call. I responded to him,

"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot. Well, you had four days to make this meeting before today, so I'll set it for two days out. We'll still need your part then."

I can't say I didn't get yelled at, but I can say that he'll think twice before doing that again.


Plain Old Aggressive Office Toy Of The Week:  Get The Hint Sticky Notes

Spreadsheets

Another facet of 'managing upward' that I'm learning is spreadsheets. At my previous position, managers were really big on the original spreadsheets, or spreadsheets of their own creation.

At my new job, my manager is big on his 'weekly reporting spreadsheet' and anything requested by upper management. I had a request from my boss' boss' boss for an 'issues tracking' spreadsheet. I took everything I learned from my last job and created the most amazing spreadsheet I've ever put together. Drawing from my experience and friends from various financial analyst jobs, I used formulas that crossed tabs, I locked cell contents, changed cell types, edited formatting, set cell spacing oddly, merged cells, and did so while retaining the look over the every-day spreadsheet.

I have been asked to never again provide a spreadsheet to management or salespeople.

 Plain old aggressive office toy of the week: ink that disappears completely (with no trace) after 48 hours. I love to write memos with this one - especially those with important info

Training

I've realized that all bosses good at 'managing upward' emphasize ... training! I remember in the interview my boss asked if I would be okay with training. I remember saying yes and then chuckling that nobody but Dilbert-style managers would take certifications like those seriously.

Fast-forward three months, and my manager is again asking if I have considered training. I said I was very open to it, and floated the only moderately interesting-looking class off the website he provided. He agreed to it, and told me to sign up for the five-day course in another city and book my airfare as soon as possible. I agreed, and went about my daily business.

I waited until Tuesday of the next week when much to my chagrin the course had been filled! I emailed this disastrous news to my boss, and then went back to my work. I think if he still wants me to take a course, I'm going to book the plane tickets first, and then inform him the course is full.

Can we say 'vacation?'

Plain old aggressive office toy of the week: dictionary book safe

Should've Gone Into Sales

I'm not a 'happy' person. I don't 'glow' or 'talk about my feelings' or any of that crap. I do my job, I go home, and I get harassed by soul-sucking symbiotes who want nothing more than everything I have (of course, I'm talking about my wife and children).

Given that my life is just miserable to begin with, I came to the realization that I should have gone into sales. I would be miserable, but I'd be rich and miserable - which I'm sure would leave me much more content after my divorced-because-of-work and loss of job due to the economy and my depression over my failed marriage.

But once I was out, free to pursue my passion, no only would I do so without the baggage (ie two additional mouths to feed and interests to fund), but also with a nice bank account to help my prolonged period of unemployment (thank you mr. taxpayer!).

I say this because the sales guy showed up at our office three days ago. At 11am. Wearing a long sleeved shirt, shorts, and flip flops. He worked for two hours, and went back home to sleep off his corporate-paid hangover. I've emailed him three times this week looking for specs he worked out with the customer, and he has yet to get back to me.  ::sigh:: Maybe next job...

Plain-old aggressive office toy of the week: Butterfly Kni-er, Pen